When I first started using Aaliyah's song for my benefit was actually during my first in college, while I was on the bus headed to my job. An older gentlemen...I'm being nice here, sat down beside me and proceeded to ask me questions on the never ending ride to Hades. As the questions got more personal, I finally told the dude...who I know considered to be a "Dirty Old Man"...that I was way too young for him, and gave him my age. He then sang Aaliya's song for me...and said that mentally we weren't that far apart really, because he was...ahem...young at heart. .... ..... ....
I countered this ridiculous attack by telling him that my mental and emotional age was that of a five year old, and that this woud prevent us from ever truly connecting because the "MENTAL" age difference was just too great.
He tried to come up with some cock-a-mamee excuse to get my number, but thankfully Hades was looming ahead, and I got off the bus.......without him.
To say the least, I have enjoyed living in a younger state of mind, until now...
It started when my Mentor, we'll call him just that...Mentor, asked me my age in a text not too long ago. I thought he asked me so as to figure out if I was too young for any number of dudes that he was trying to set me up with. I mean he WAS known to tell folks that I was So and So's girl even though he knew darned well that I had done NOTHING with anyone...let alone anyone he knew.
So, I was surprised and almost giddy when he relayed why he wanted to know my age was because he was in a battle to figure out my true age with a mutual guy friend. It ended up that our guy friend won and Mentor lost. Mentor placed me at an age almost six years my junior. Like I said I was giddy, until I realised what this actually could mean.
That I really was and am Peter Pan.
Not even a month ago, a guy TOOO many years my junior stared at me while we were having a serious conversation to the point where I felt uneasy. I mentioned my age to get him to stop staring at me, and he kept going while seemingly processing the information at the same time. He did look appropriately shocked that I was so many years older than him, and once again...this bothered me....UGH!!! I mean I'm considering changing the way I dress just so that guys will realise that I am NOT in their age range!!!!!!
But I really love my casual dress. And to make matters worse, I'm losing weight...on purpose, and this causes me to look even younger....not on purpose.
I realise that most women love to be told that they look younger than they really are, but I'm not old or anything. SO to be told constantly that I seem younger than my younger sister, who is 5 years my junior....I'm beginning to form a complex.
And Mentor's remark wasn't even the first. Almost 10 years ago, when I was driving my younger sister around, one of her peers tried hitting on me because he thought I was her younger sister....!!!!! In fact in recent years, folks who have known both of us for years have come out of the woodwork proclaiming that they thought I was her junior. I've been mistaken for being in highschool, and for not being old enough to drink....and this is during times when my added weight would make me look older!!!!
I mean my younger sister has the tiny package of a Halle Berry, while I am taller, and bigger in virtually every category. I don't think her face looks OLD or anything, and mine doesn't particularly look young...it's just that mine hasn't changed since highschool...not really. So the only thing I can come to is the way that we present ourselves and act. She is the sophisticated, and calm sister, while I am more erratic and the lover of all things Disney. She's had the same stable job since college, and I've jumped around and am now considered unemployed. We both still live like College students considering when we graduated from college...less than a year apart, not completely bad. But seeing as my reason for graduating so close to her was because of my lack of direction while in college, then it starts looking a bit different.
I'm more open, seem more naive, and love experiencing new things. The sis, likes what she likes, and seems a bit more exclusive in her friends department. In other words, I do SEEM like the younger sister in terms of life experience and all.
And this is where my dismay comes in...sort of. I was seen as having the life experiences of someone vastly my junior and I have had many more than that!!! I have seen a lot, traveled, heard many stories and have met many fascinating people on my journey...only to think that now I am being looked at like an emotionally inept individual. :-)....I mean I can't really argue there can I...?....but still!!! lol
The fact is, is that although it may seem like I have a lot to learn about life....and I do, I know where I am headed. And it's not in the same direction, nor is it on the same course as everyone else.
I guess I'll stop beating around the bush and say it, I'm about to be thirty, and I like the life I have right now. I live with roomates, don't own a car, and love to walk around in basketball shorts and t-shirts that I've collected over the years. And while this may be the base for most people's assumptions as to my true age...I think the kicker remains that I am not a thirsty female for any guy's attention.
I mean if one wouldn't know any better one would think that a woman of my age who is still single has a biological clock ticking and is aching to hurry up and settle down. The fact that I'm not, confuses the life out of most people who know me. I'm pretty sure that one of the people who thought me younger, knew that I was in college when my sister was in high school, and still managed to get confused 8 years later. It's like I'm stuck in this weird state of "pause" where folks around me get older, and yet I remain the same. While girls who I've known since their birth are getting older, getting married, having kids or both...I am still "trying to find myself" in this world. And that weird altered world, means I seem younger than my actual years.
Especially when one considers that I don't have any bitter memories of an ex doing me wrong, or any songs that take me back to my first kiss. I don't have a first love, or a first time. I don't have this hunger to be swept off of my feet and taken away from my job and everyday responsibilities. I'm not looking for a guy to support me, nor for one to rescue me from the mundane. I'm not wondering where all of the good (Black) men have gone. I'm not looking for a father figure, nor am I looking for a "Daddy". I don't associate my life nor do I connect with any of the characters on Basketball Wives, Teen Mom, Keeping Up With the Kardashian's, The Game, Single Ladies or Sex in the City. I don't dress up to be seen, I don't dance to seduce, I don't run to lose weight, I don't go to church to appease God. I do all of these things because I actually enjoy doing them. And I actually think the source and intention of my actions make all of the difference. I love what I do, ALMOST all of the time.
And THAT is what makes me seem younger. I act like I still don't have a care in the world...and in many ways I don't.
At least that is what I hope makes me seem younger.....and not the fact that I act like an immature ninny-muggins...ie Elf. :-D LOL
So My Moral...I'm gonna have to make peace with being seen as Peter Pan.
Problem with Pan, he doesn't get the girl... not that I want a girl or anything, but one day...I'd like the guy. .... .... ........
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