Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What is my Worth????
Case in point.
A few years back one of my best guy friend's was a head coach at a local high school. He was and is amazing at his job, and in the beginning I acted as the bookeeper for his team and sometimes as a medical semi-professional considering my Athletic Training background. But near the end of my time working with him, I literally did less and less for the team. Because of other obligations, he got someone else to keep the books, and there was an Athletic Trainer that actually came around every so often to check on his team.......so why then did he insist that I go EVERYWHERE with his team????
There were out of town tournaments, and playoff games, to the normal everyday games that he would politely...hound me about :-). I felt guilty when I couldn't make it, and then when I could....sometimes I felt useless. I'm pretty sure he didn't see it that way. But that's precisely my point.
Then there was the case in high school where I was the manager for the baseball team and the coach wouldn't allow me to carry anything larger or heavier than a single baseball....anywhere. Once again I felt useless....but the Coach insisted that I was a vital member of the team that he would have told to bug off if he hadn't wanted me there. (That's practically what he told me...in not so many words).
This past weekend I was invited on an excursion to witness what this guy wanted to do with his company where teens were concerned. It was a large event with costs for parking, tickets and when we got hungry, food. This is not to mention the gas that he had to get and that he picked me up at my house, and then dropped me off there a few hours later. The whole day had me wondering if I had just gone on a date that I had unwittiningly been gone on. I mean the guy was nice, pleasant and INSISTED that not a dime come out of my pocket for anything.
And so goes this coming weekend, where I'll be tagging along with a friend who has seen the world, and yet insists that my inclusion in on the trip will be fun instead of a drain on his pockets. I mean, in each scenario, these men all knew and know my financial situation. And even if I take out my own high school experience, the other guys still offer the same thing, to take care of any costs that may be incurred by me heading out with them.
Now let's be clear, I don't generally ask for this payment, I simply make it clear that although I'd love to go, participate, or be apart of whatever is going on, that I don't have the means to do so at the said time. Or, I make sure to ask the costs up front in order to figure out if I can in fact do whatever thing it is that they ask. By the time I've finished talking though, they are usually stepping in with their own solution and the overall catch all phrase of "You're covered", or "Don't worry about that, I've got it".
So, all of this has caused me to wonder...out loud to some other male friends, "What my worth really is?"
Of course I word that differently for differnt conversations, but the idea is the same. Why would a guy spend his hard earned cash on a female who IS not going to sleep with him? Why do guys do that?
The answer I've obtained, is an astounding one, not because of how profound it is, but becasue of it's simpleness, "Because he enjoys spending time around you."
Nothing selacious, or with ulterior motives...nope just a simple answer that explains why any one of us will spend our heard earned money on a sibling, or on a friend to be apart of whatever we have going on when they don't have the means. It's the same thing. It's not out of pity, or spite, it's not to try and impress you (...sometimes.... lol), but mostly it's because there's this unwritten code that says, that "as a guy I probably make more than you...I want you at this event I'm having....no problem, I'll pay".
Really....it's along the same reasoning that my Dad will help me and my younger sister out when we come up short with some of our bills...but will only offer advice to my brothers if the same thing occurs. It's the idea that a woman "SHOULD" be taken care of. And that men "SHOULD" be the ones taking care of the women.
I think we...meaning women....have confused this with disrespect and seen it as a demeaning sort of idea, but for those who embrace it, as I have been forced to, it opens many doors that I never knew even existed. Now this isn't to say that I expect it, not at all, nor do I groan when I do pay for myself when in the company of men, but my respect does follow when I see a man take responsibility for another single woman and pay for her dinner, ticket or other nominal expense. I'm not talking about hundreds of dollars, but just a ten here or there. To me, a guy doing that when he doesn't have to, says to me that that guy realizes HIS worth...not as a bank, but as protector and takes pride in it.
I know it may seem like I mixed up two different and separate ideas...but not at all, the whole thing comes down to this, as a single female, if I reach into my pocket to pay when out with the boys...then I am up for grabs from any dude in the tri-state area. Me having to pay for myself means that the only person watching out for me IS me. BUT, if a dude, even if said guy is a happily married grandfather with no familial ties to me, pays for my purchase, then all of a sudden I am under HIS protection. Anyone who wants to spit game with me, shall first have go through the man who paid for me. It's an unspoken but powerful form of communication. In addition, being paid for also communicates that the female in question is WORTH being paid for, for whatever reason. That the man who pulled out the denaros saw worth in the female and was willing to take her under his wing and take on all sorts of craziness for doing so.
To be sure, I have yet to go on a real date, you know where the guy actually asks you on one and you accept and get all gussied up for the event. But I can tell you this, that there's nothing like knowing that as you go through life, that you are not the only one watching out for your best interest, that someone else has your back....and that ultimately that others saw your worth and were willing to demonstrate the worth they saw in you by paying for you.