This isn't me putting anyone down...this is me expressing grief and more grief over the missed communication going ON!!!!!!!!!!
So it goes like this, I am explaining my thoughts on the "Liar" portion of McMillan's article to some friends who have not read my post. Mostly I tell them this part:
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship...Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."I said that those who accept this lie are lying to themselves and thus to the men, therefore making Tracy completely right about this topic...and what I got back was something I would never have anticipated from my strong minded Sistas. I got reasons and excuses why this sort of behavior by men and women could be seen as ok.
You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that.
FLOORED!!!!!! I'm telling you, AGHAST!!!!!!!!!!! And GRIEVED to my core. Seriously???!?!??? You'll knock a guy out for looking at you sideways and for DIS-respecting you in any sort of way....but will allow this HOGWASH to come out of his mouth???!????!??
I am confused.
So then it was better explained to me. Guys don't generally come out with this line until a few dates in. AFTER, you've thought he was a great guy, AFTER you think about him day and night, AFTER you've pictured what your kids may look like....oh.
Besides that, a lot of men really don't mean that, they are just testing you to see what you will do...oh.
And after they get to know you, then sometimes they may change their minds....ah.....
I get it....I get it now...and I say BULL!!!!!!!!!!!
Men are playing women like they play with their Wii's and women are HOPING that men will eventually come to their senses and put on a ring on it.....sad.
And let me be clear, I am pissed at both in this scenario. Men who wait three dates to tell a woman that he's chicken-crap and wants the milk without buying the cow; and women who allow this to continue by accepting whatever they can get from the supposed guy of their dreams.
Because honestly, men are lying as well. They may do a much better job of convincing themselves of this fact, but in reality they want intimacy as well, and they want relationships, they are just not sure if they can step up to the plate and handle everything that a true relationship will require of them,.So instead they practically sing this phrase as a cop out in hopes of never having to be the man they believe that they cannot be. In other words, they fear they will fail so they draw a lower standard for themselves. One that they know that they can hit, and they look for women who are willing to allow them to only rise to that bar.
And by all means this is fine, if a guy cops to this on the FIRST date. He's telling the woman the truth as he believes it to be, or maybe even how it truly is. But if this same dude waits until date three to say the most flimsy of all cop outs, then he had better be in his last week of life, because otherwise he is owed a swift kick in the crotch.
And not for being a coward, nope! But for LYING to me!!!!!!! For pretending that he was looking for the same thing that I was, when he knew all along he wasn't.
BUT, because such anger usually gets misinterpreted by guys, into "OVERLY EMOTIONAL", then the fall back should probably be to inform the dude that the "date" that we are on, is way too dressy for what we actually are...which is....buds.
That's right, if a guy can't say the words that he wants a relationship, then women should honor that. And seeing as women generally don't date their guys who they know NOTHING will ever happen with, then the alternative should be to chill, and talk on the phone before sundown but after free minutes start...if those actually overlap. To can do all of the things that one does with totally uninteresting guy friends. And the best part is, is that kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and all other confusing pseudo- relationship type of action can sit on the shelf as long as he wants a casual relationship...because as said before, those don't exist.
Well, let me be more clear, the heart cannot tell the difference between a casual relationship and one that may lead to marriage, so to make that perfectly clear to the heart, the need for this very distinguishable line is set. Not in order to get back at the guy. Nor is it to try and MAKE him see things a certain way. I am of the firm belief that I can change a guy just as well as I can change genetic code, which is to say, I canNOT. But I am also of the firm belief that most women believe that they CAN change men....and this is the problem.
But in either case this is just how I see it. I'll be finishing Tracy McMillan's review shortly...but this had to be thrown in...it was begging to be told, Thanks for reading =)