Sunday, March 27, 2011

Why You're Not Married Pt3

So here is my final part of this three part mini-series. And I think that it must be said that these are of course my own opinions based on the fact that for the last 25+ years I've been watching these very things keep women from getting what they believe they want or need most of all...a man/husband.

Now this isn't to say that I necessarily have a corner market on what women do wrong in this department, nor that I am immune to wanting to eventually get married, but I am saying that I don't believe that a man is going to make me any bit happier than I am right now. This CAN be pointed to the fact that I have NEVER had a relationship, and therefore have nothing to compare that with, but in this case I think IGNORANCE is bliss :-).

Now onto reason number five from Tracy McMillan's article:

5. You're Selfish.
If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems.
 This one I get, and it really ties into what I said above, but at the same time, I also understand that my viewpoint is THE exact reason why I am NOT married. I LIKE thinking about ME all of the time. Then again I LIKE being Single. But for those women who want to be married, thinking about yourself 24/7 is NOT a great idea. Now the key to me making this make any sort of sense when it comes to another person, particularly a man, is in this next fact. We all talk about what we THINK about most often. So if you're constantly thinking about yourself...then eventually that is ALL you will have to talk about when alone with the guy of your dreams. And the guy of your dreams, is NOT going to want to hear about you all of the time.

And this isn't even the crux of the problem, the biggest problem is that if selfishness is your issue, then YOU occupy your own top 2 or 3 spots on your importance list. This means that whenever there is a conflict in stuff going on, or if your dream guy has a kid, then you consistently place your own needs and wants above your hoped to be Loved One. You take on the quality of a spoiled brat instead of that of a grown woman who wants to SHARE her life and time with another.

6. You're Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.

 I don't really think that I can say this any better than how she did. But the bottom line is, is that there are so many women who think that Vogue, InStyle, Essence and Oprah have all of the answers to their myriad of problems. Problems like, cottage cheese thighs, and saddle bags, puffy eyes and frizzy hair. Then there's the new wardrobe and the group of friends and the hairstyles....etc, etc, etc. It's a never ending prospect of trying to make yourself worthy of the love that you think you deserve.

Prime example, have you ever met individuals who have had drastic weight loss from surgical procedures? They seem...Unhappy....they still hate the way they look. They still aren't good enough. It's not a physical thing, it's MENTAL. It's all mental, and crazy as it seems the mental stuff has to be fixed BEFORE the physical stuff, not the other way around. It's why there are counseling sessions on The Biggest Loser and why The Swan had to stop filming. Because the mind must accept you the way you are before it is willing to make any lasting changes. And Love...IS lasting change.

Without KNOWING that you are worthy of love as is, then you will feel like the other person is compromising their happiness by being with you. This fact will push that love away, intentionally or unintentionally. Because who wants to be with someone who doesn't think that they are worthy of love? You MOTHER a person who does not feel like they are worthy of love, you don't MARRY them.

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