Happy New YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...Where's the Love?

So it's a New Year and tons of things have changed...and then again nothing has changed.

The SEC is still number one in College Football....but instead of Alabama, Auburn is #1

The Braves made the Playoffs, and lost in the first round...but coming up...no Bobby Cox

The Celtics are great and Shaq is on a playoff contending team....again

And just like clockwork race is still a factor in so many areas of our lives; sports, movies and dating.....as in Black women are still bitter about Black men choosing to date outside their race.



Why the sudden change in tone? Simple. I was watching a HS game on ESPN2 between the #2 team in the Nation from NJ, and the #21 team from Winterpark, Florida. Both teams featured highly touted recruits, one headed to Kentucky and the other headed to Duke as the #1 recruit. This kid, the kid headed to Duke, was and is the son of Celtics Coach Doc Rivers.

And by the looks of the kid, I could tell that the kid was mixed. Further investigation into his family landed me on an article in which Doc's wife spoke about the hardships she had faced in dating the star basketball player. To say the least, threatening phone calls and ruined paint jobs on her car were only a few of the trials she went through at the time.

Her aggressors at the time were considered to be bigots because they would not and could not understand why she would "lower" herself to date a Black man.

Fast forward thirty years and she and Doc Rivers should have the support of the Black community right? The fact that he has stayed committed and true to his wife and four kids should be celebrated right? Yeah you already know....the sad and despicable answer is no.

Even as we call down for racial equality and for equal opportunity and such, Doc Rivers is labeled as a turncoat, an Uncle Tom and any other racially derogatory term that we can come up with to tear him down in the eyes of others, even though we should be holding him up as a standard for what a Black Father ought to look like. And this disturbs me.

I mean the guy has an unblemished record, has won a World Championship as a Coach for one of the most diverse groupings of star players in the NBA, and we want to throw him under the bus because he fell in love with a woman in college and decided to make her his wife and do right by her....who just so happens to be white? Seriously?!?!?!?

Seriously, if this is what it now means to be a Black woman, spewing hate because of insecurities, then count me out.

Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my skin tone, and proud of my heritage. I love the shape and color of my eyes, the gap in my teeth, and the curl pattern of my ultra curly and sometimes nappy hair. I love my wide hips, my narrow feet, my smallish boobs and my long nail beds. I even love my imperfections; each battle scar I wear with pride :-), and to be honest I thought that most Black women thought the same way that I did.

And although I keep hearing the talk from Black women about their pride in themselves, I keep wondering where their pride goes to hide whenever a Black guy and white woman pass them by. Because my pride in myself and my appreciation of myself does not see an attack on myself when an interracial couple passes me by. Instead I see love between the two.

I know that there are some people who would like for me to see this as an attack; who would love for me to want to change my hair, my skin, my body shape and my teeth in order to feel desirable. But I refuse all invitations.

I actually have been asked by numerous guys who like having the same conversation with me over and over again, in hopes, I think, of getting a different answer.

"Why do Black women hate seeing a Brother dating a white woman?"

And I like to answer them in a rather bored voice, "Because they're bitter."

"Why are they so D**** bitter?"

Bored voice-"I don't know ask them."

"Well what do you think? You're a Black female."

Exasperated voice-"I don't care who you like, just treat them right."

In all honesty, I think most men like to broach this subject with me to see if they can incite the "Angry Black Woman" who must reside just under the surface. Again, I reject their invitation by using my exasperated voice to let them know that I am not going to fall into the trap of being seen as the crazy and bitter "Angry Black Woman". Besides the truth is, is that I really do NOT care who you date, marry or procreate with. Just treat her with respect and compassion, and I'm ok with you.

But unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority on this subject.

And when I have asked why so many allow this subject to get them hot and bothered I have been told that it is more about the reasons than about the act in itself. It is about the fact that Black men see white women as the ultimate trophy or as vindication for some wrong done to them. I have heard the dismay and the disgust of Black women when speaking on this subject, that they (the men) have fallen for the social stigma that white women are more beautiful. or are easier to handle. But whatever the reason I have still not seen a reason to hate on white women or the Black men who date them.

Why not?
Simple.

I can lump it into two groups, Black men who I admire, and Black men who I don't. For those I admire, I recognize their respect and true admiration for the woman at their side. I know how hard it is to find someone who will love and support you for who you are so I applaud them for recognizing it and for having the balls to reach out and get the support they need, even though they know it may cost them much respect in their own community.

As for the others; well clearly I hold nothing against them because if asked to choose between them and my pillow as bedfellows for the rest of my life....my king size pillow wins every time. I mean how can I hate someone in whom I feel pity for. If this guy is so insecure in his manhood that only a certain kind of woman, will make him feel self assured...then by all means go and catch your lucky star. There are even the men who in reality hate themselves, and hate being Black, and so will go after a white woman for this reason, but whatever the psychosis is, it's not good, and I, for one, applaud them for not trying to fit me into their cock-a-ma-mee solution. I want nothing to do with it; and so I feel sorry, not hatred, for such lost souls.

So like I said I don't see how a Black man's decision to date a white woman or white women exclusively have anything to do with me. I don't want a man (Black, white or other)  who cannot and does not see my beauty and awesomeness. Furthermore, I do not want a man who is not uber confidant in himself as is. I do not want to complete any man, I want to complement him. If I am going to hand over my hand, my heart and my V-Card in marriage, said guy had better have his stuff together, and not be waiting on me to do it for him.

Love Peace and Chicken Grease folk!!!! :-)