Trust is a Funny Thing

You know, in my hubris and pride in myself over still maintaining my virginity, I failed to see some major flaws.

First of all, my fear of trusting another human being with my most innermost thoughts and dreams is probably the main reason why I am still the way I am.



Nothing sexy about my explanation.

My cherry remains intact because of my fear of being let down, my fear of being left behind, my fear of not being important enough in another's eyes that they would hold me while I cry myself to sleep.

My deepest fear is not of being alone, but of being misunderstood, and I feel that way all of the time.

I feel alone all of the time, I feel like I fail as a friend, a sister, a daughter, a niece, a grand-daughter, a cousin, a woman all of the time. I'd rather not add another title to my list of failures.

And what makes me think that I'd be any more successful in a relationship than those around me?

What makes me think that my heart would be spared from the type of hurt and pain that I witness and see all around me?

And yeah, I know, I hear happy people tell me all of the time about how great love is...and I promise I really want to buy it, but I get caught watching the other 50% of marriages go down the drain, and I put that love stuff right back on the shelf.

I'd say I'm sorry for this, but I'm not, if you're going to read all of my flippant discussions I guess I want you to know the other side of my flippancy, and it's not really pretty. Real, but not pretty...