With Friends Like that…

A friend of mine recently told me of a radio caller, who told of her abusive relationship with a star player at her college.

The woman said that she had always been overweight and that the first time he punched her, he knocked a couple of her teeth out. When she went to her friends, they told her that she was lucky to even have him, and that what she was going through wasn’t new, they all got hit all of the time by their significant others…

Hhhhmmmm……What In Hades????????????

Another story I’ve been told recently was about a girl being told by her friends that she couldn’t attract a ball player because of her natural hair, darker skin and plus sized body…

Hhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………….SMH!!!

I mean REALLY?!?!?!?

In my 25+ years of living around and working around, and interacting with NBA caliber guys, (while looking a hot mess), I have never been told by any of my friends that I wasn’t good enough for one of them, or that I should settle for anyone!!!

And I mean, at different points in my life, I wouldn’t have blamed them if they had said just that, but they never have. I’ve even said the words that I couldn’t ever be a baller’s wifey, and was promptly chastised for saying such.

There was a case when I was in college, that I had a crush on one of the star players on one of our men’s teams.  He was cute, he played ball, he was a liar. That should have triggered all sorts of warning signs, but it didn’t, after all he only lied about insignificant crap...SMH.

So anyway this guy, (we shall call him Judas), had the pick of girls at our college, and he knew it. In all honesty I can’t rightly explain why he found me interesting, except for the fact that I refused to kiss up to him and treat him like a god.

I even introduced him to a fellow friend who was interested in him, and who let EVERYONE know that she was interested in him.

To say the least Judas couldn’t figure me out, and I kept my distance because of a close associate of his. This guy literally looked down his nose at me because I wasn’t “cute” enough to associate with his boy. So this guy sets Judas up with a more “appropriate” looking girl.

Their relationship progresses, and before you know it, I’m being invited to their baby shower.

I should state, that by this time, I had no hidden hang-ups in my mind where Judas was concerned. I did NOT think that we were ever going to end up together. I was just trying to be his friend at this point.

But this apparently was a dummy mission, because by the end of it all I felt like I was the one having his baby.

And then Judas decided to fool around on his soon to be wifey, with someone I knew. When he got caught, by no fault of my own, he called ME a “groupie” and THAT was the end of that.

To say the least, if he’s been waiting for my forgiveness on that front, then I guess he can rest easy. I was pissed at the time, because of the groupie reference. But I have let all of that go, there was, in all honesty, never anything to hang onto anyway.

But in all of that, my friends, even the ones doing wrong, never once tried to tell me that I wasn’t good enough for him. Or that I should immediately forgive him and try and patch things up between us. Not that I would have heeded such advice anyway, but at least none of my friends ever tried to tell me such hogwash.

So how is it possible that these women had such horrible friends?? How is it possible that another woman would wish their own pain and suffering, whether internal or external, on someone whom they profess to love?

Now I know that bad advice from friends doesn’t just come from females to other females. I mean I have seen the devastation that horrible “one man to another man” advice has had on my family. So this is not a post to say that females seem to be witches to each other.

 In fact, it’s the exact opposite.

There’s no reason for a female to allow her friends to break her down, to the point that she feels that she is not good enough for anyone. There are GREAT women and deplorable women, just like there are WONDERFUL men, and there are men who more closely resemble pitbulls. Find those who are great, and stick to them like glue!

Because, yeah, with friends like that, who encourage you to stay in abusive relationships and who add to your insecurities, who needs enemies?

So Lessons Learned:

Stick with those who prove themselves worthy to be called a true friend…

Problems:

You have to be up to hearing the truth about yourself everyday in order to hang with such folks.