Missing the Signs

Yesterday I was reading comments on an article written about interracial dating and marriages and the question was asked why so few white men approach Black women. And one of the answers that was given was the fact that nobody likes rejection, and seeing as it is known that most Black women in America prefer Black men, and absolutely would not date a white man, then most white men don't even bother with the task.

This, of course got me to thinking, have I been guilty of giving off said signs? I mean I think I have a good mixture of friends, but have I been guilty of giving off said preference?...I answered no, but then wondered why I still felt guilty after reading the remark....

Because I have been guilty of sticking so strongly to the Platonic Female ethos that I allowed many signs to pass me by.

Looking back on certain interactions that I have had with men over the years, I realize that men are not the only ones who misread or are misled by the signs females give off. I have personally known a few women who did not believe that the guy they were interested in were interested back...even though they played the staring game every day for at least half of our lunch break....did I mention EVERYDAY????

While I would like to say that I am above this malady, sadly I am not. I am smack dab in the middle, mistaking loyalty, kindness and preference as the sort of things guys normally give to their female friends, rather than as a proof of their interest in me.

Take my friend Teddy, obviously not his real name, who for two strait years made sure that I was at every function and sporting event he had anything to do with. I never had to pay, and there was always an added conversation before I went home, about the safety of whichever manner I was choosing at the moment since I didn't have a car.

It was not uncommon for him to drive almost thirty or more minutes just to pick me up or take me home after said events. He'd pay for dinners, pay for parking, and make sure I had a place to stay if the event was out of town. What did I attribute these actions to? Our friendship...really. I mean these things had gone on for years while he was with a mutual friend of ours, and when their relationship went south, my treatment didn't change.

BUT, some of our interaction over the internet did....then again those sordid IM conversations were so random and sparse that I just chalked each one up to too much alcohol on a given night, and would promptly forget about them.

It really wasn't until I was looking back at all of my interactions with the guy that I realized that maybe he had been trying to tell me something completely different altogether. Then....THEN I felt like a schmuck.

It was sort of the same way I realized that I had actually liked him, A LOT. I had been asked by a girlfriend to describe the kind of guy that I would want to end up with, and don't ya know, every quality I named had his name ALL over it.

After that interlude I had been ready to tell Teddy my feelings, when the Ghost of Crush-mas Past came for a visit and threw my head and heart into a tailspin. And then only after everything blew up in a rather unfortunate event did I take stock and realize just how much I had missed out on and misinterpreted.

For future reference though, I shall put more stock into my single male friends never allowing me to pay for...ANYTHING. Of them picking me up on time, to take to events that, let's be honest, I am not a necessary part of. Of them letting me drive their cars to...anywhere, without them in it. Of them always answering the phone when I call, or at least calling me back ASAP.....yep I promise...next time.

This is not to say that I shall propose to anyone who does this, but I shall do a better job of encouraging it, instead of thinking it nice to have such a friend. And if he happens to be white, then I'll let him know that yeah, I would be open to a date with him....if I am but asked...by him.