Still Scared

I just got off of Facebook....why? Because two guys, who I dearly love, like brothers, were online...and instead of reaching out to them, I retreated like a coward.

And what am I scared of you ask?

No F-ing CLUE!!!!!!!

None, whatsoever!!!!

I Am Ready For Love...?

I have to admit that yesterday, when I wrote the post about Tithing for a Husband, I was mad and frustrated at my sex for....everything. lol

It doesn't diminish, at least not in my eyes, what I wrote, but it does change something in me to see why I was so angry.

Tithing For a Husband....

I was watching BET's series The Game the other night...perhaps last week, when I noted a rather disturbing scene.

In it Melanie was writing her "weekly tithing wish" on the sizeable check that she was filling out to give to the Church that week. In her mind, if she tithed, and tithed big, then God would reward her with her wishes...like a Genie, or Santa.

I thouhgt it a sad scene until a friend of mine, *Kallie* related this story to me.

Is Being a Groupie bad???

On Valentine's Day I was looking up stats on this Blog and ran along this google search as being one that led someone to my site. I was saddened and then sightly bouyed by the fact that such searches even go on...because if there are those who are asking the question, then I definitely want to weigh in.

I Do NoT Like Sensitive guys...!

In a weird and gross game of 6-degrees of separation, I have come to some great conclusions...

The Virgin Diaries....

What really is there to say about an idea that I'd like to think was mine, that got put on Prime Time TV and made in the most horrible fashion possible....?? No really I'm looking for an answer here...honestly.

Jason Whitlock/ Tim Tebow...O Father Where Art Thou?

Tim Tebow of the Denver Broncos from Foxsports.com

I'll admit it, I am drinking the Kool-Aid. I believe Tim Tebow to be one of the greatest and most needed sports stories in decades, if not ever. And not just because he too is a virgin :-D, but because he stands so steadfastly beside and for his beliefs in God, and has done so as long as I've personally known him to exist.

So You're a Virgin Eh??

I feel like I haven't shared enough about my recent conversations....and as they crack me up, I do sincerelly hope that relaying them here, won't ruin their humor.

As it so happens, the state of my va-jay-jay has for some reason been the hot topic of conversation between myself and quite a few of the guys that I work with. There are many reasons why, but the main one is, because no one actually believes me.

I mean they believe that it's possible...I mean they know that they know of NO -ONE who has claimed to have gone out with me, let alone slept with me. But the fact that I'd be unashamed in claiming my own personal ignorance of the act first hand...is what seems to boggle their minds.

It's as if society really has brainwashed them into believing that a female who has not had sex by the time she's gotten out of college really SHOULD be ashamed of such a feat, or at least SHOULD try to act like she's done it, or came close. That, this fact of never having had sex will automatically place a scarlett letter on my chest stating that I am Unwanted, and completely Undesireable. LOL!!!

Ah, the humor in it all. I mean I guess.

In actuality I wish I could have put a letter on my chest in highschool and throughout college stating the fact that I was an "UN" person. It would have saved me a lot of gross and embarrassing moments with guys who I wanted to throw up on. From blowing on my kneck, to touching my thigh, to propositions are us...I never got weak kneed about such things... a weak stomach, but never my knees.

So the opportunities were there, but my well documented hang-ups where sex was concerned left my va-jay-jay untouched and my heart unscathed. In other words I am thankful for it all.

So back to my original rant on the subject...it seems as though the reaction that I get from guys is related more to the fact....that I am proud of my status.

Additionally, these guys go from being surprised, to the more socially acceptable "Proud" of my....'accomplishment'???? Like NOT doing something should be commended or something...smh.

And this commendation WOULD be OK....if it weren't for the fact that immediately after them laying such lavish praise on me, the guys generally turn into inquisitioners from the Holy War. Seriously.

From the more mundane questions of why I have chosen to remain a virgin; to the more salacious questions of do I get turned on when I see a good looking guy...really THAT was a question....sometimes I feel as if I'm answering questions through a haze of thoughts leading to---- --nowhere. FAST.

Because the end of all of their questions tend to be going towards them figuring out when I plan to give away my V-Card. Which is hilarious to me. Because not 5 seconds before I was being lauded as a female of virtue and now I'm being admonished to hurry up and get rid of the offensive and foul smelling chastity belt. LOL.

It does get worse when I relay that I have never been in a relationship, but the questions generally remain focused on sex...so yeah.

Not to worry though, I'm made from strong stock, and have been through these types of fires often enough. Almost to the point that such inquiries barely cause me to blink an eyelash. I love my state of being, and am confident that being a virgin won't and doesn't diminish my feminity, nor my sexual nature. Both are intact. Thank You...and are waiting for my Prince...if he exists :-)

Age Ain't Nothing But a Number...

So in my Post "...Repressed Female", I referred to Aaliyah's famous song, "Age Ain't nothing but a Number" and how I had perfected my craft of not leaving puberty in my mind. I was...the Black, Female Peter Pan. And I think I'll come back to this thought now, because recently I've actually had issues with this very thing.

Playa Play ON!!!

Sooo....recently I almost began dating...and by almost, I mean...just that. It's that classic story of the popular guy who only goes after the nerdy girl BECAUSE...he wants everyone to want him.

What is my Worth????

Now that I have entered a new phase of my life where I am actually seen as a viable part of society....as a woman...and not a girl...LOL, I have begun to wonder what it is that men see in me that makes them want to have me around.

How to Get With a Baller

In the past month I have racked up so many stories that my mind is trying to grab hold of one to tell y'all that won't put anyone that I know and love on full blast.....and I think I have the perfect story to relate....that of course will accompany my own witty banter :-).

The story actually starts with a question, that I feel like has been asked in many different ways by many different women to varrying degrees...

"What does it take to get a Baller's attention?"

P!nk - F***ing Perfect

I'm pretty sure I am not supposed to like this song...well, no that's not what I meant to say. What I meant to say, is that I am pretty sure I am not supposed to like the explicit version better than the clean one...and I can't say that I do....exactly, but I do like to fill in the astericks because this song is PERFECT.

The Attack on Black Women

 I know I am late, but better late than never, right?...Anyway.

A week or so ago a scientist from Japan claimed to have evidence that Black women were deemed to be the most unattractive form of all people...not just womanhood, but ALL people, period. He claimed that the raised level of testosterone in Black women caused this, while the same raised level of testosterone in Black men made them more attractive.

And while I could attack him as a Scientist...the point is not whether or not he is or is not a scientist, nor is it whether or not he is right...the point is, is that he is.

Jazmine Sullivan speaks the TRUTH

"Fear"

I'm scared to try cause I'm scared to fail
I'm scared to die cause I'm scared of hell
I'm scared to kiss scared to hug
I'm scared of sex cause I'm scared to touch

I'm scared to look cause I'm scared to see
I'm scared of you cause I'm scared of me
I'm scared to fly cause I'm scared to crash
I'm scared to move on so I live in the past

I'm scared to fight cause I'm scared to bleed
I'm scared of love cause I'm scared he'll leave
I'm scared of drugs I'm scared to drink
I'm scared to swim cause I'm scared to sink

I'm scared to learn cause I'm scared of truth
Don't wanna gain weight cause I'm scared of food
I'm scared to think that the label dropped me
I'm scared to think of my album floppin

And that is just the first verse. 

I'd write about it, but I think the words she penned for her "Fearless" album, says it all. How many things do we ALL -NOT- do in order to -NOT- feel pain? 

I know that the first stanza implies that I am a virgin because of my fear of touch...but I've already explained that I am, so there's no need to go into that. Well....I'm not really scarred of touch, but I do not TRUST a great deal, and that which I do not trust, I do NOT want to Touch me...:-).

Just food for thought...I hope that you, whoever you may be, are not NOT doing things for the wrong reasons. Fear of an Almighty Being is one thing, fear of all of the above...is quite another.